How To Exceed Your Limits (part 2 of 3)

Discover your personal mental barriers and question them. Whenever they pop up saying - impossible then you need to ask yourself – why?

E.g. if you and your partner want to go abroad next Christmas then it is likely that you stay home because you cannot leave the rest of the family. What would your parents say? And what about all the presents? You also have to go to church etc. If you really want to get away then start questioning your barriers. Why can you not leave the family? What would really happen? It is a question about consequences and dealing with those consequences. Maybe your mother gets sad that you will not celebrate Christmas at home.

Of course your family would like to celebrate Christmas with you but at least you can deal with that and make them understand why you want to travel instead. Sometimes the consequences are worse than we imagine and sometimes they are not. But it is important to understand the consequences instead of just saying – I cannot do that, or - that is impossible!

When you know the consequences of exceeding your limits, then you can take action and find a way to deal with these consequences. I have practised taekwondo for almost 20 years and in my first years as taekwondo student I look at my instructor doing high site kicks and I thought to myself that I would never be able to do that - I cannot lift my leg that high! After some time I questioned my belief in the impossible. I decided that if my instructor can do it, then so can I.

The consequence of the decision was long hours of patient practice doing the same over and over again while stretching and kicking. I did this four times a week for one year on the side of usual training. 17 years later I can still do a nice high site kick!

In part three I will show how focus, discipline, willpower and feeling of oneness help you.

How To Exceed Your Limits (part 1 of 3)

Understand that the world holds endless of possibilities; everything is possible if you really want it. From the beginning of our lives we did not know of any limits or barriers. Throughout upbringing we are taught barriers and limits; they are quite practical because they help us coexist but they can also stand in our way. We tend to set up mental barriers that stop us from getting the feeling of success.

If I said to my family: “Hey! I finally figured out what I want in life – I want to be the next president!” – they would roll on their backs laughing and claiming that would be impossible. But why would it be impossible? It is a high ambition, but not impossible. If it was impossible then presidents would not exist, but they do exist.

A lot of people do not get what they want in life because they have created at worldview in which those dreams are impossible. They have created barriers based on culture, expectations, right and wrong. If you really want something in life then the first thing you have to do is believe that you can get it. Then put your mind to it and remove your own personal mental barriers.

In part two I will show you how to question your barriers.

How To Be Efficient

The world is dynamic and never stands still. Even when if you try to stand still your body functions will still be working. Your heart beats, your blood flows and your lungs breathe. Take a look at a river it looks the same on a distance, but close up you see how the current makes the water flow and makes small changes all the time. The river is in constant flow and constant change and is never the same.

The river never has to stop and think about what to do next – it keeps a constant flow. Imagine what would happen if did the same? I suggest that you try to see yourself as a river in constant movement, a steady and calm flow. If you do, you will realise that you can be much more efficient without stressing. Let me show you how to do it:

Start with small and easy processes like dressing or maybe cooking simple meals. The most important thing is to remember that you have to be in constant movement and never stop. The trick is to visualise your next step while doing the preceding step. E.g. while putting on your t-shirt you decide to put on your jeans after that; visualise yourself putting on the jeans and when you finish putting on the t-shirt you continue the flow reaching for the jeans. As this process starts, like you visualised, you start thinking about the next step. Continue until you have finished dressing.

This is also a great way to tidy up. It is quite fun and you do not have to hurry; actually you have to do it slower; slow enough to keep a steady flow that allows you to think about the next step. The great thing is that in spite of the slower pace you will finish faster than normal. You will also feel relaxed and energetic; you will be happy.

Would you like to know more about flow?

The Secret About Time

“The only reason for time is so that everything does not happen at once”, said Albert Einstein. I think this quote illustrates that time is a construction; time is something we have invented to be able to understand parts of a complex world. It is essential for us to be able to measure and compare events in order to better understand them. Time is a tool for measurement and comparison.

Immanuel Kant maintains that time does not exist but time is a product of the way we represent things. But things change constantly and nothing is as it was. People change in body and mind throughout life; they are very small in the beginning and then they get bigger and then they turn grey. We split the cycle of life into phases to better describe what happens when we age. But in fact the process cannot be split, as it is an ongoing process.

My point is: Do not worry about time related issues like age or mealtimes. Time does not decide how old you are and time should not dictate when to eat and drink. People often judge my age to be about 8 years less than time claims. Some people look older than they are and others younger. Age is a measurement we use to describe phases in life.

Start using common sense and understand how you feel and act accordingly. If you feel hungry – eat; if you feel thirsty – drink; if you feel younger – be younger; if you feel older – be older.

Read more aticles

How To Put The Time To Good Use

About 18 years ago I lost my watch and I felt awful. Suddenly I did not know what time I was and how can anyone live without knowing the time? Well – today I am happy to say that I feel more joy and less stress without knowing the exact time.

20 years ago I would only wear waterproof watches because then I did not have to take it of when I took a shower. My watch never ever left my wrist. I lost it the one time I did take it of and of course I got a new one after a couple of months. Being without a watch for a couple of months made me think. I noticed that I looked at my watch quite often and sometimes, when people saw that I looked at my watch, they would ask me – What time is it? – The strange thing was … I did not know! I had to look again!

The moment that it occurred to me that I looked at my watch without actually seeing the time I decided never to wear a watch again. I used to be stressed about time and all the things I had to do before a certain time and quite often there were things I did not do because I did not think there would be time enough to do it.

Today I do not have a watch to wear and I do not have visible watches anywhere in my flat. I found that living beings have a very good sense of time and I am usually able to state the time within a ten minutes margin. Instead of relying on a watch telling me what to do I am listening to my mind and body; and that have opened a new world to me where I really get a lot of things done because I am seldom stressed and never have to worry about time.

How do I make appointments on time? – I use my phone to remind me when to leave home. But I only do this for appointments where time matters. E.g. Last week my girlfriend and I had to visit my sister. We promised to be there before dinner but no specific time. We did not know when the bus would leave, so we just went to the bus terminal when we were ready. It was a 15 minutes walk and we had a good chat and fun on our way. We enjoyed the sun and everything around us; we were relaxed and happy. We arrived one minute before departure – it was perfect timing! But I am sure that if we knew this, we would have stressed all the way to the bus terminal and we would have been sweaty and exhausted and all the way we would have worried if we would make it in time.

Time is not all that important; remember that time is something we invented to make life easier, but do not let time rule your life.

Learn more about time

Even in the worst situation you can ever imagine you always have a choice. Of course - choosing takes responsibility and trust. Let me show the three choices you always, and I mean ALWAYS have:

1. Accept
2. Change
3. Leave

In all situations in life you will always have these choices to make although the choice can be hard to make. I will elaborate the three basic choices, but first I will set up a simple situation.

Imagine that your keyboard is not working properly; some of the keys get stuck and you have to pull them up after pressing them down. It can be really annoying if you use the computer in your day-to-day work. In this case you can choose to accept that the keys get stuck and just let them do as they please and be happy about it. If you choose acceptance you must be able to abstract from the defect keyboard and focus on other things that are more important to you.

If the keyboard still bothers you then you can choose to change the situation. Most people complain about the situation but you have to take responsibility for the things that make you unhappy. Take action by choosing to change the situation. In the keyboard case you can bring the keyboard to the ICT department and ask them to switch the keyboard to one that is working.

But sometimes your action to change does not work and you will be forced to choose acceptance, at least so it seems. If the ICT department refuses to give you at new keyboard you face a new situation and you have to make a new choice. Are there other actions you can take to make you happy about the situation? If not, then you can choose to leave the situation. You can choose to resign at find a new job in a company where the keyboards work.

These choices can be hard to make since there are always other factors that influence the decisions you have to make. E.g. if you resign your job you will loose good colleagues. That is why choosing also is about prioritising what is more important.

Read more about prioritising

How To Choose Your Reality

To find the truth we choose to base it on the stories we find most trustworthy. We automatically trust stories that are told by our close friends, because we do not see any reason for them to lie to us. But we tend to ignore that they could be misinformed and tell stories that are at variance with reality; or maybe they just reproduce reality from their own point of view. We also trust stories that the majority are convinced represent reality; e.g. the medias. 

It is worth keeping this in back of our mind when we communicate messages to our surroundings. If you tell something to someone you do not know, it is most likely that this person will seek verification from someone he knows better. That is why you have to look and act trustworthy if you want people to adapt your worldview. E.g. you are at a job interview; if what you say and how you dress is inconsistent, then you will not get the job because you do not appear trustworthy.

Another example: Whom do you vote for at elections and how do you justify your choice of candidate? Most people base their choice on the stories told in the medias and a lot of people just choose their candidate because he dresses nice and seem sympathetic.

To be welcome in other people’s worlds you need to reflect a worldview that they can identify with.

Read more about choosing

Is James Bond Real?

The stories we tell and the conversations we have all contributes to our common perception of reality. By communicating we synchronise our worldviews and if we do not like the world we see, then we can try to change it by participating in that world. You can change people’s perception of reality by contributing with your stories and by exploring other people’s worldviews.

You have probably formed an opinion about certain actors or presidents in the world, but when it comes down to it: What do you really know? You have only heard the stories told by the medias and you assume that these stories represent the truth. Thereby these stories form your reality and worldview. Would your worldview change if you met these people yourself?

Stories can be interpreted in different ways it all depends on the angle you choose to see. This way the same stories can give different perceptions of what the world looks like. We all know that James Bond is fiction but somehow he seems more real than a random name from the phonebook you have never heard of before. That is because you have heard more stories about James Bond than about John Doe.

Choose your stories and you have chosen your reality.

Tomorrow I will show you how to choose trustworthy stories.

Read my articles here.

Use Symbols To Reach Your Goals

You have to communicate what you need in order to get it. If you go to a café and stand in front of the counter, saying nothing, what do you think will happen? Nothing will happen, because you do not say what you want. After a while the barista will ask you what you want and if you stay quiet she will either get impatient or service the next guest.

The result of your visit was: Nothing!

If the barista has worked at the place for a while she will be very good at spotting regular customers and even different types of new customers and she will automatically know what they will order. Whether we like it or not, then we tend to put other people into boxes in our brain. At the café people who drink café latte may have traits that look alike and the barista can spot this, and she will put the customer into the café-latte-box in her brain.

You can make use of this knowledge by communicating what you want, not only in words but also by using symbols. If you want success – then look successful; if you want to be happy – then smile; if you want to write a book – then bring your laptop etc.

People will spot you and the message you communicate and they will help you to reach your goals.

Read more and enjoy your coffee!

How To See Reality

The world we create by communicating, telling stories, is the way we see the world. It is the reality that we experience and describe with our language. A worldview is called a paradigm and is best described as a pair of glasses that you see through. One pair of glasses presents the reality in one way, while another pair of glasses makes the world look completely different.

Sometimes it is good to put on another pair of glasses to see the world from another perspective. That would make it easier to understand how other people see the world and it would help us develop better relationships. Often other people’s paradigms room possibilities we cannot see with our own pair of glasses.

Once you have experienced the world from another perspective, it will never be the same again.


Read more about reality

How To Learn The Rules - And Benefit

Presuming that you know what you want and where to get it the next step is learning the rules to be accepted and to benefit from the network you take part in. When you enter a social network it is very important to keep a low profile, listen and observe. You need to understand what other members of the network do and why they do it. Be very careful about critic. No matter how well-founded your critics may be – you are better off keeping it to yourself.

If you do not agree on the way things work, then focus on the positive things and keep the negative things to yourself. Usually people are well aware of things that do not work but they do not like being reminded about it; especially not from new members of the network. You will get much more respect if you turn you focus to something positive and make sure you communicate the positive things. It is okay to exaggerate, it will only make people laugh and if you can make someone laugh it is a sign of accept and respect.

E.g. you start a new job and the computers suck. They never work and the software is outdated. It is almost impossible to get your work done and it is extremely annoying. It would be so easy to get new computers or to update the software and it is incredible that no one has taken the responsibility yet. What do you do? You could point it out and take initiative to change the computers. But remember that people in general do not like changes; they prefer to keep something that does not work because they know what they have, but they do not know what they will get. Do not try to change anything if you are new in a network! Find a positive focus and communicate it. Say e.g. “Hey, look at all the nice colours on my screen!” in a very enthusiastic voice or say “Great! You really keep your keyboard nice and clean!”

Life Is A Game

Life is like a game only more complex and with a lot more participants! When you and your friends play games you have certain rules that you agree to follow in order to decide who wins and on what terms they win. The rules also define the game; if you change a rule it will be a different game. This is interesting because life also consists of rules both explicit and implicit.

Do you like the game you are playing? If not, then play another game and set new rules! Just make sure the game has other players or it will become tedious. Playing alone is not fun. Do you like the life you are living? If not, then change your life by taking part in a social context (game) that appeals to your rules of life. Maybe it is time to change your rules?

If you want something in life, e.g. a job, you need to learn the rules that people at that specific workplace have agreed on. Even if you have better rules, you still have to learn the existing rules in order to be accepted. When you have learned the rules, people will trust you and you can suggest a change of the rules. But if you do not accept the rules from the beginning then you will not be allowed to take part.

How To Rule Your Life

In philosophy rules are norms of how you ought to feel, believe or act.

Rules are not necessarily right or the truth. Rules are what the majority prefers you to do if you want to belong to the norm.

This is important to understand, because if you do not want to follow the rules given by the majority in your network, then you will be perceived as being abnormal and you will feel outside. There is nothing wrong about that if that makes you happy. But if you want to belong to a specific network or if you need something in life, then you have to learn the rules to get where you want.

I find most rules ridiculous and I have made up my own rules of life, but it made my life extremely difficult and lonely. I decided to learn the rules, but on my own premises and that really turned my life around. I am now a part of a large network and I feel more successful.

You can learn the rules as well and still be happy. You have probably met people in your life that do strange things or thing that seem abnormal. How did these people make you feel? Did they make you feel safe or comfortable? Usually people doing things we are not used to, makes us feel uncomfortable. Maybe they make us laugh or maybe they evoke our curiosity, but would we trust them right away? No, we would not! Since lack of trust is connected to anxiety and fear, we will take distance to people that act different than expected by the norm. No matter how open-minded we are, we will unconsciously take distance. This way we will push people that act different to the rim of our social network. Do not feel bad about this it is a natural mechanism of our body’s system of defence. You just need to understand how this system works to rule your own life.